Advice vs. Insight

"Counselors can tell you how to fix your problems"

This is the biggest myth of the mental health field.

Now switching gears...if you can, take a trip back in memory lane to when you were a teenager. When your parents told you what to do, where you thinking "gosh, mom knows EXACTLY what I'm going through, so I better listen to her advice, because she obviously knows the best answer. She is all knowing."?

If you said answered "yes" to the scenario above, you should get an award for being the best son/daughter of all time.

Most of us would say that at some point and time, we either out loud or in our heads screamed, "No! You have no idea what I'm going through! So you don't know what is best!"

Now fast forward to now. Brace your toes, I will most likely step on them.

How many times have you gone to talk to your girlfriends about a problem you have, only to walk away more frustrated and annoyed than you were to begin with? ::brace yourself:: Aaaanddd, how many times has your bfff&fff come to talk to you about a problem, and you have given her your most wise counsel on the subject, and then ::GASP:: she doesn't change a thing. She totally wasted your yoda level advice. Rude. 

If you are female, this must have happened to you at least once. 

Here's the problem. We want so badly to have some answer of what is right, but we are the only expert on ourselves. Let me phrase this in a less confusing way: you are the only expert on yourself. No one, no matter how parallel the experience, will have all the same variables, background, and content, that you have within your circumstances. You can NEVER say "i know exactly how you feel", because that is simply not possible. 

So this is what happens: your friend gives you her wise counsel. You agree that she's right in that single variable to your problem. You go home, you feel misunderstood because that advice doesn't answer the 100 other questions attached to the situation. You also feel like people are judging you if you don't simply ignore the 100 other connecting issues, and do what they advise. Meanwhile, you feel begin to disconnect, because your feeling like you are being shoved into a mold that your friend wants you to have. There is no need for self exploration when your friend already has the answer for you. Plus, you're not sure how safe it is to say what you really feel, because you are probably just wrong....or a sinner.

....sound slightly familiar?

Just for the record, I've been on both sides of this. I catch myself giving advice ALL the time. Listening takes so much effort, and the answers seem so obvious. It's always wonderful intentions. The motive is pure, but the outcome isn't always what we would expect.

Now let's do one more scenario...do you remember a time that someone just sat and listened to you? Maybe they went a full 10 minutes without interjecting, and they were present (as in, not texting/playing video games/etc). How did it feel? 

Now lets just take this rare experience a step further. After the 10 minute hash of your issue, you brace yourself for your friend's opinion..but it never comes! Instead she says something really odd, "it sounds like you're having a really rough time with this, I know there's a lot going on that I don't understand, so I'll be happy to listen while you work through these emotions. What part of this is bothering you the most?" or maybe she'll say "I'm trying to understand, this is what I'm hearing ________________________, is that right?. This list of questions could go on and on, but you know what all of these questions have in common? They never include an opinion. Your friend believes you know the right answer deep inside. She challenges you to expand your perspective. She knows that you must learn things first hand so she challenges you to explore the unknowns of your heart.

Some of you may be thinking, where is Jesus in all this? His best selling book is the bible, and it's full of rules!! 

But look at one of the overarching themes of scripture. Free will. Sometimes I think God is crazy..who would create a species, and let them loose to "figure it out"??? There is something  to be said about being able to explore and choose what you believe. When that choice is made, it is with full understanding that you are leaving every other alternative for that one choice. That's what God wants. He gives us guidelines, but He doesn't lay out the plan word for word. He believes in us. He listens while we blabber on about our problems, and BEG Him for answers. He puts things in our path to challenge us to think deeper. If He were to tell us what to do, we would be like Moses saying "but I stutter! but I'm not a leader!..but!..but!" Nope. He gently nudges us to dig deeper, and shows us that we can do more than we dreamed. 

I don't know about you, but this insight idea gives me a greater appreciation for the Parables. Talk about not giving a straight answer!

So I will let you decide....insight vs. advice. What's your answer?